I can't talk dirty though I know it turned you on
You said I better start or you'd be gone
I got too shy and didn't know what I should say
Can't help thinking that there was another way

I should have done it like a politician
Criticize your policy
Not mention my position
Brought a mike, announced it play-by-play
There's the pass, deep in the zone
But is it in? Let's see the replay
What if I had tried reading aloud
With a book behind the pillow
I need light, is that allowed?
I should have done it like an auctioneer
'Cause I need one, do I see two?
Do I see three? Okay, that's weird

Imagine all the things I could have tried
Instead of giving up and saying that I
Can't talk dirty, I can't talk dirty, yeah
I can't talk dirty, I can't talk dirty, no
I can't talk dirty, I can't talk dirty, yeah
I can't talk dirty

I should have done it like a movie pitch
'Cause it has action! It has romance!
It's just dialogue with tits
I should have studied for it like an oral exam
Crib notes on my palm to questions
I don't understand
I should have done it like I was the police
Brought a flashlight, got confessions
Better than I was a priest
I should have done it as if I were condemned
My final words were blasphemies
About you and your friend

Imagine all the things I could have tried
Instead of giving up and saying that I
Can't talk dirty, I can't talk dirty, yeah
I can't talk dirty, I can't talk dirty, no
I can't talk dirty, I can't talk dirty, yeah
I can't talk dirty

I should have done it like I had tourette's
That way if I went too far, you couldn't
Really get upset
I should have done it like I was a mime
'Cause I can't talk inside this box
But here's a rope to climb
I should have made it more like a debate
'Cause my point's pretty good but your
Rebuttal sure is great
I should have done it in a limerick
'Cause I'm a poet, didn't know it
Til I tried to rhyme with prick

Imagine all the things I could have tried
Instead of giving up and saying that I
Can't talk dirty, I can't talk dirty, yeah
I can't talk dirty, I can't talk dirty, no
I can't talk dirty, I can't talk dirty, yeah
I can't talk dirty